To answer the question in the title field, yes. To consider myself more insecure than confident? No. My insecurities do not define me. In fact here is a list of a bunch of things (listed in no particular order) that do not define me:
- My aesthetic appearance
- My family, economic and ethnic background
- My employment status
- My educational experience
- My gym/exercise routine
- My reading list
- My love of anagrams
- My gender
- The area I live in
- My spiritual sense
Is confidence arrogance?
Of course confidence as a trait is not always arrogance but sometimes trying to portray the best version of yourself, say at an interview or at a clientele meeting, can come across as arrogant. This is something that you can work on to some extent but it also depends on the people in the room. Some people will see your confidence as blatant arrogance and some will feel that it is actually justified self-awareness and self-belief.
As a general rule, you can normally feel within yourself if what you are saying is truthful and a fair reflection of yourself or if it’s the arrogance of your ego. I love my ego and if I didn’t have one I would be very concerned. That same ego allows for me to take risks where others fear to do so. I’ll speak up when people won’t. I’ll share my blog post about something very personal or particular and promote it even though others will question why. I’ll go to the cinema alone. I’ll talk to a stranger. I’ll drink coffee alone in the busiest coffee shops. The one thing I haven’t yet done confidently is eat at a restaurant alone. I have dared to do this on one occasion. In Germany of all places. Eating alone at a restaurant is the one I will be trying again very soon. The only reasons a human being will not do these things is because of insecurities so imagine, if you bit the bullet (so to speak) and actually did these things! Facing your fears will unlock a bunch of other doors. Here is a list of reasons that people use as an excuse?
- People will think that I have no friends
- I will look like an outcast, a loser and a nobody (three in one for antisocial)
- The waiter/waitress will pity me
- I will feel at unease at the people staring
At the cinema:
- Buying a massive box of popcorn is not justifiable when on your own
- Who watches a romcom by themselves? (They’ll think I’m a sad, lonely and desperate soul)
- Who watches a horror on their own? (They’ll think I’m a psycho)
- I look unemployed out here watching a film on a weekday at lunchtime(and if I am unemployed I don’t want them to know)
At a coffee/dessert shop:
- I’ve ordered my second coffee and walnut slice so people will conclude that I’m a slob as (coffee and cake) x 2= slob
- That suited n booted (clearly professional) busy businessman guy with the apple collection of phone, another phone, laptop and earphones will look at me like I’m the devil because I clearly have no laptop and must be unemployed, broke and drinking all these coffees with daddy’s money
Talking to strangers
- What if he/she thinks I’m weird?!
- What if that person is a psychopath or a part of a cult?
- Omg there’s two of them and only one of me! I really can’t talk to them ‘cos the embarrassment ratio is 2:1 and that’s way too much!
Now… I’m not going to clarify every single one but eating alone is not as terrifying as it sounds. At a restaurant it is more daunting than at your local McDonalds but it’s a basic human necessity to eat. As long as you’re not eating like a famished yeti, you’ll be fine! With regards to being judged on your dress sense by others who have a different dress sense, who gives a ****?! You dress the way you do for a reason. I wouldn’t dress up in a hot dog costume for a business meeting and likewise I wouldn’t wear business dress to a costume party. You dress for the occasion. Some people (whether they’re dressed like the PM or the circus clown) will judge you on the silliest things, maybe even based on the brand of ketchup you buy! Say if I put out a poll to the world, as if anyone would ACTUALLY care! No one cares. I buy Tesco brand usually and sometimes I’ll buy Heinz. The same goes for my mayonnaise too. Do you care?! I very much doubt it.Where staring is concerned it doesn’t matter if he/she is suited n booted, professional or not, or a bright red walking Louis Vuitton advertisement, judgements and people will come upon you whether you’re alone or amongst a million people. There’s also a massive element of do as I say and not as I do, like we haven’t stared at others ourselves (Pot. Kettle.Black.) Point made. Where the cinema is concerned? I guess people do stare so the best thing to do is watch a really good movie so that they’re soooo lost in the story and then forget about you. Quick tip: leave early if you really don’t want to do that particular walk of shame but you have to time it so it’s just before the credits
Egos and confidence are like sharks and water. One needs the other more than the other needs it. Being confident in yourself does NOT have to mean that you are arrogant. I don’t walk into an interview and play down my skills but at the same time, I don’t pretend to be the new Bill Gates. I don’t portray myself as an ‘ok’ candidate (because the hiring manager would lose all faith in me there and then) but simultaneously, I’m not an egotistical maniac.
Am I perfect?
Perfect? Me?! Haha!!! Nah….Do I have insecurities walking into these situations? Damn right I do! Have insecurities stopped me from doing something? In short, yes. They probably will in the future too but as long as the times you beat your insecurities is out scoring the times you give in to them, you’re onto a winner.
A list of situations I have stopped a yard short from in the past?
- Eating alone at Wagamama. I was hungry and I wanted Katsu curry but I lost my nerve at the sight of the door
- Joining a tennis club that sounded so amazing because my friend didn’t want to join
- I wanted to leave this waitress a nice tip in Germany but I saw the waiter hovering in my table area and I didn’t want to upset him
- I didn’t go to my prom because I hate the way I look when I dress up
So as you can see (this is obviously not an exhaustive list) I’ve been victim to my insecurities too.
You can’t always win
Winning isn’t everything. Believe me, it isn’t. There have been times I have won arguments and competitions and it hasn’t been enjoyable. At. All. In fact some losses have taught me a lot more than a win would ever have. It doesn’t mean to say that I don’t want to win. I’m not saying that at all. Sometimes you will seek a win and get a slap in the face instead. It’s part and parcel of life. Don’t always be disheartened. People bounce back from adversities every single day.
Anyway life isn’t always about winning and taking your fair share of defeats is a GOOD thing. That way you’ll never get too big for your boots. You’ll never see yourself as the worlds best at whatever it is whether it’s baking cakes, at archery, or as a Hollywood leading actor. You’ll always want to better yourself. The thing about wanting to become better is that there is always a new journey to look forward to and an accomplishment on the other side. Hard work rewards. Rewards require hard work.
Dedication. Passion. Sacrifice. These words are used like they’re table salt but there is so much truth to them.
You don’t want to fall from grace
There has to be an element of being humble as well because being too arrogant will be of detriment to you. Mark my words, at some point it’ll lead to loss of motivation, isolation from others (as they won’t like being around someone who is totally self-obsessed) and I’m no medical professional but you might even get depressed. Think about it, with arrogance comes expectation and let’s just say that you fall from grace one day and you can’t get that level of success, wouldn’t that hurt? I think it would.
Be confident. Don’t be arrogant.
As the heading says, it’s pretty self explanatory. Be confident. Don’t be arrogant. Additionally, work hard, make sacrifices when necessary and look forward to the journey that lies ahead, and the rewards of your hard work. Enjoy the successes. Don’t get disheartened by the difficulties. Think about those who are in even more difficulties and be grateful. Approach your life as if you’re a work in progress but don’t forget about your achievement. Last thing, be kind to yourself.