I’m not interested in upsetting people. I don’t go out of my way to find ways to upset people. In fact I go out my way in order not to upset people and all I realise is that people will still get upset. Sometimes you have to be selfish for the bigger picture and people won’t grant you the same respect that you gave them when they needed that time.
Doing the right thing
I’m trying to do the right thing by a lot of people and I don’t think that they see the damage it has been doing to me. I make mistakes and I lose my way sometimes but I always come back to centre. The mental, emotional and physical strain has broken parts of me in some ways that I still don’t know how to recover from. It doesn’t sound like it but I’m a pretty positive person and for me to give you the rawness of what I feel isn’t something that I’m going to put out there lightly.
Every time I try to find my way in the world, a few things happen, I learn a lesson or two (which is always a positive because it helps you grow as a person) and to some degree, my feelings get hurt because of someone, something or some situation.
Look to be honest…
I don’t spend my days worrying about what other people think but I can’t say that I don’t care at all. Half of me wants to walk away from social media and my phone, turn it all off and go travel the world. I don’t need Instagram or snapchat to prove what I’ve been doing or where I’ve been standing! But you know I can’t go travel the world right now. And you know when I say the world I’m exaggerating cos I’d be happy to go to a few countries and that would be a blessing. I’m hopeful that things will improve but at the moment I’m fighting against a few gradients and that’s never an easy fight. I don’t want to talk to my friends. I don’t want a therapist. I don’t have a significant other to rant to. I’m just going to do what I do best and to be honest with you, this is not the advice I would give anyone else but everyone’s situation, life circumstances and health levels are different on different levels. I’m just going to figure it out, a day at a time.
Gratitude is the right attitude
I have so many things to be grateful for. All of that is not lost on me. I didn’t wake up this morning thinking that the world was against me and nor do I think it is. People don’t hate people. People hate things about people and because you can’t change people’s’ opinions, people rant and rave and then the opposing people rant and rave in return. I want world peace but with humans being the emotional creatures that they are the best version of global peace that you will ever get is a dysfunctional kinda peace. I reckon most of us would take that in comparison to the world now.
Spiritually speaking and with that hopefulness in my heart, I don’t want to give up on things and that is why I don’t but a part of me questions a lot of the things that I can and can’t control. Sometimes there are things that you can control such as family commitments, I mean you could just walk away but does it sit well with you? Does it feel like the right thing to do? Most of us will say no. Then there are the things that you can’t control like something happening that you weren’t expecting like a household repair cost turning up unexpectedly or getting injured. I do believe in “what will be, will be” but in a very loose sense because I still try my best and go through the motions and after I’ve put that effort in then I’ll succumb to the saying what will be, will be. This is only after I know that I’ve done all I can (without completely exhausting myself) and know that I can go to sleep knowing that the effort I’m putting in into my own health, my family, the provision for those I care about and my wellbeing emotionally, spiritually and mentally is the best I can give on that day.
How I see the wood from the trees?
Let’s face facts, in a busy world with a busy schedule there comes a busy mind and in order to chill the guacamole out, you have to switch off from some things and I might just have to lessen some loads to do that. It might be stressful worrying about not getting things done but the things that can wait…. well, can wait. My advice is to be patient where you can and prioritise what you must in order to live a more relaxed, happier and kinder life.