The way I write amuses me but does it amuse you?

Let’s be honest here because when I’m in the flow, say, like a burst water pipe, the wit and humour you will get from me is like the pus from a pimple. It just oozes out and you’re never quite sure when it’s about to stop. If you know me then you know that THAT is a pretty good evaluation of my humour. Now, I’m pretty sure that reading that as an opening to a blog post begs the question where is this going?! Well, you know when you have a friend that knows a restaurant but not the name, knows the area but not the road and claims it’s really popular but has only been there once? (I’m sure we all have those friends) To be honest, I don’t know where I’m going with this either but there’s only one way to find out and it’s not to skip to the end!

The mood diary

I’m not even going to pretend and act like I’m in a woohoo kind of mood for two reasons;

a) I’m not feeling woohoo

b) I won’t bother posting if effectively I’m going to have to lie in order to jazz up the post. I’m not about adding a string section to the orchestra just because the wind section lets it out that they’re a little lonely!!

I feel like unless I actually tell you how I’m feeling you could totally walk away from this post (or any of my posts) thinking that I’m actually feeling the opposite to what I am! I don’t know how I do this but somehow in my good moods I’ll find a way to maximise the smallest inspiration of a darker/harsher side of my humour and when I’m feeling below par then I’ll find a light humorous side that I can’t bring out when the sun is shining (think metaphor and think good moods) and all is well. It’s a skill and I’m not sure that I’ve been taught this. You know…. I’ll just call it a natural talent. My one claim to fame, the ability to extract something from a situation where the some was very little and you couldn’t even see the thing. 


It’s an evening, a Tuesday evening and it’s dark outside before 8pm so the season is changing. I have felt a little unwell and I guess I might as well tell you the symptoms:

  • Runny nose
  • Sore throat
  • Headache
  • Intermittent coughing
  • Fatigue
  • Angry mood (not an actual medical symptom if I’m being honest but it’s true.)

Aside from that, I’m fine and in actuality, thankfully, as the evening has wore on I do actually feel better.

Sometimes you just need to whinge

Okay. Maybe I just need to vent and whinge. I’m a little bit disappointed. I’m irked. I am very much unsettled. I feel like how I would feel (and this is theoretically how I think I would feel) if I went out to buy a cheese burger but imagine that it’s not an ordinary trip. Imagine walking out in the wind and the rain (I don’t mind the rain tbh), catching two buses, getting splashed on by a flipping Ford Escort that drives 50mph in a 30mph zone walking towards the burger place sudddenly realising the burger place opens at 12:00pm on a Tuesday (for some unknown reason) and then you wait until 12:00pm because it’s only 11.45am. So aside from really wanting that burger and being wet, bullied by gusts of wind and standing around like a friendless nobody when you get into this burger place, the server looks at you like you’re a tramp. I respect all people and that’s tramps included but imagine if you were a saxophonist but someone thought you played the recorder, you’d be offended, right?! I would. Anyway……….. the server thinks you’re a tramp and asks to see the money before taking your order! To be honest, in a real situation I would have left the burger place and bought some noodles at this point and then ate them outside the burger place to show that server who’s boss?! That’s right! I.AM.THE.BOSS. I’m getting too carried away with this theoretical story…….. So finally I give my order. Burger should be as such:

  • Cheese burger
  • Mayo and salsa
  • Lettuce, tomato, onions and pickles
  • Fries – any fries will do curly, straight, chunky
  • Some of their finest cola

After all this, think about it, you pay that hard earned cash to the grim judgemental weird gazing food server who thinks you are a tramp and your thank you is really a F*** OFF, and your burger is not just your food but it’s a reward for ALL the injustices you’re feeling in your life (whether reasonable or totally not) and the sugar in the cola is your version of hash because you just want to feel a little bit high, right?! Imagine though, just think, if after all that you got the wrong burger,a veggie burger without meat! No meat! That would really wind me up and let’s just say you got chunky fries which you said you didn’t care about but chunky fries were the one’s you cared the least for, and the cola? It’s freakin’ diet cola and you know guys…. that’s how I feel. But imagine if they included the pickles with a veggie burger. Actually thinking about that upsets me.

I think I’m going to leave it there. My mood is what it is right now. I think it’s the cold talking to be honest but if anyone can resonate with what I’m saying? Let me know.



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