This post is a bit like popcorn. A sweet popcorn basket with a few burnt bitter pieces in it. I feel like this is a necessary post because I think about this way too often to not put it into some sort of blog post. I’m not aiming to be clever here or use terminology to bamboozle anyone. This is straight from the mental unit I carry above my own shoulders (which all of my work diverges from) but it’s pretty raw and I’ve barely edited it (apart from picking the images). I’m looking to convey exactly what I feel and this is my attempt at trying to achieving that.
The fact is (as I see it)
It can be hard to remember the sweet times when bitterness is the one who followed behind. It’s true in the reverse sense too because you can forget the bitterness if jollier times follow. I must say that I’m not only referring to people. I’m taking account of experiences involving people, things, events, the wins, the losses and any other living organism/circumstance possible.
In life almost anything is possible. When you’re talking about the way a human being can act or feel, almost anything is possible. We all fall into tough times. That’s a fact of life. Sometimes we will hit the ground flat faced and end up quite bruised. Yet on other occasions, we’ll bounce back as if the ground was a trampoline. There’s no guarantee. I was thrown some advice across a table a week or two ago. I was getting things off of my mind when the woman said that I should just be less long-term. All I have ever known and thought about is the long-term. Take each day as it comes is my newest mantra. It took a while to firmly believe in it but I think I finally get it!
I came to realise…
I always used to think so far ahead that I never did learn to enjoy a great moment. You could blame that on youthful naivety or teenage ignorance but if I’m honest, I still don’t know if I do. No one ever sat me down and had a conversation about contentment. I’m talking about the kind of conversation where someone makes an effort to make sure that you remember it. That doesn’t mean screaming or bellowing at someone but maybe finding a way to mark that conversation as important. When my parents talked to me about money and responsibility, I knew it was a serious talk. An approach in such a fashion is just as appropriate for this topic. People should sit their kids down and have a serious conversation. It might not make sense that day, that week or even that decade! However, somewhere down the line it’ll all make perfect sense.
Nobody told me that there doesn’t always have to be something better. I can’t go through life trying to top every little win I have. I don’t think that it’s a dent in my ambition, it’s a strength in contentment. It’s not like I’m throwing my dreams away but I came to realising that some moments were the best that they were ever going to be. I don’t need to find a way to recreate that moment. Do you know why? It’s because I can have that moment as a memory to keep forever. That untainted, raw and natural memory is mine to keep. Forever!
They all say the same thing
So many people spend their time chasing whatever it is and they lose sight of the wins that they have already attained . They then turn around in their later life to say they wish they’d just stopped for a minute and taken in the show they starred in. It’s nice to sit back and relax. You don’t always need a screen to rewind! If you take a deep breath and take a few minutes to think back, you’d be surprised at how much comes flooding back and how you become to remember moments that you’d stored in your backup memory. Things that you never normally think about but they’re just as important. Your past shapes you, for better and for worse, so why wouldn’t you reflect? It’s unforgivable for a human being to be blessed with the faculty of memory to not use it to the extent we can. I don’t buy a 32GB S.D card and only use 2GB before rendering it useless! I wouldn’t buy a floppy disk back in the day and then throw it away after barely using it! I wouldn’t buy a notepad to use 6 pages and then rip it up! (You get the picture 👍)
We complicate things so much. Even today, I had a few choices for breakfast and I took five to ten minutes pondering about what I should have. In the end I opted for some porridge with peanut butter, honey and sunflower seeds. I wasted ten minutes of my morning (where I could have sat and just taken some deep breaths) by worrying about the nutritional value of my breakfast. There was no need for it. The more options you give a human being the more problems they have. If I only had a toaster and some bread, I’d have been forced to have some toast. Would it have been disastrous? No. Of course not. It was a waste of my mental energy and there wasn’t a single need for it. We all do it but we shouldn’t overthink the simplest things. Yet we always do. It’s up to us to change. It’s down to me to make that change for myself. Today is day one.
Recognising the decor and locks you design and fit in your mind
We’ve all created a decor in our mind. Whether we like it or not? That’s another question but we have decorated our mind with a setting just like we would decorate a room in our home. Somehow we always neglect this room though. The key is to be balanced in your thinking. The world goes on and on about fairness but perhaps if we were fairer to ourselves, we’d be fairer to others. It doesn’t take long to be fair to yourself. It’s simply a matter of acknowledging and accepting things about yourself. It’s all about going through the cobwebs and the BS that you don’t really want to admit. It’s in your best interest and sometimes that’s going to hurt. Here’s my confession, I put on weight and I hated it. I justified it because of some time-off, then due to my birthday an unhealthy week I was going to indulge in (that turned into a month) and then due to something else. There was always some false jutification. In the end, I had to admit that it was my fault and there was no justification. I put myself in an unhealthier lifestyle and the after-effects were not worth it. On the flip side I was in really good shape at one point but I took it for granted. I didn’t enjoy it because I didn’t realise how good I had it. I could have gone to do an assault course or taken part in an active adventure. I was pretty damn fit and healthy. It was a missed opportunity of creating a great memory.
e's the thing, as humans we can put good memories in the corners of our mind. This is especially true if that good memory was followed by some really sad ones… we can shelve that good memory. I've done it and I shouldn't have. Just because life turns sour and bitter at times, it doesn't mean that we should forget about all the great people, things and moments we saw before that point. In the reverse, I have been guilty of doing the opposite. I've shelved the bad memories because in the more recent of times, things had been good. That was wrong of me too because those difficult moments are what build character, and are the best source of strength to get you through tough days in the future ( hopefully won't have any but it's real life so… best to keep some strength saved in the tank). For example, I'm pretty forgiving. I've been upset by people in the past and then forgiven them because in the more recent times, the rapport had improved. It's a risk because some people won't change and I know that. It's a risk you take for the interest of your own emotional health and sanity. Hating and holding grudges drains energy. I've seen it in other people and it's not something I want to adopt at this age, and certainly not carry into my elder years.
I admit, I do firmly believe that forgiveness is important. It can be a tough thing to set your mind to do, for sure, however I am vehement that it's better to forgive because bitterness will eat away at you. It'll eat, gnaw and chomp away at you to a point to where the person you loathe is no longer the biggest problem….You become the problem! It's not worth it. However, at the same time I am very wary of not falling foul due to naivety. If people have it in their character and judgement to behave in such a manner then they may do it again, and as such I might have to reassess whether it's worth the upset. Just like getting a bruise or a cut, conversations and people's actions may cause you to go through a healing process.
I bruised my arm the other day and thus my arm is in the healing process. In that same fashion, if someone hurts you with what they said (or didn't say) or what they did (or didn't do) then you might need to go through some rebuilding, some self-service of TLC and an honest re-evaluation. I mean, my bruise still hurts a tad but it's got to go through that point to get through to the other side, the healed and happy side. That's the 'All in between' I talk of because if one end of the spectrum is the bitter and the other is the sweet, somethings got to be in the middle, right? And for me it's the tears, the hard work, the little pats on the pack, the sighs and all the other little moments that get us from one side all the way to the other side of this spectrum.
Creating memories and living in the moment
It’s not always going to be alone but it’s not always a journey or an experience with people. People don’t have to be present to help you and you don’t always have to be there to get things done. The mind is a wonderful and very powerful facility. It’s in our best interests to take care of it, to nurture it with the goodness within and around of us, and to use it to aid ourselves through the bitterness, the sweetness and every little thing in between.
‘ Cos nobody going to control you if you are the one in control…