Moving on

Moving on after a disappointment can be difficult. I’m not sure difficult covers it but to simplify things, difficult is the word I shall use. Every setback, rejection, misunderstanding or missed opportunity hurts. It definitely hurts. It’s how you accept it that matters. Sometimes you get one big rejection that slaps you unforgivably straight across the face but sometimes it’s lots of smaller pokes which eventually lead to a scab. The scab will heal but it takes a while. Save yourself the drama.It’s natural to hate rejection. You’re human and it’s fine. I’d be more concerned if you were happy about it. You should however use it as motivation moving forward.I would definitely promote that you be forgiving to yourself. I learned it the hard way.

I’m an optimist with a realistic approach to my optimism. I simply had to acknowledge that without effort I’m not going to get anywhere realistically. My optimism has no future if I am not doing anything in real life. It’s all fun and games in my head. I can dream day and night but the hands-on approach of getting things done is what gives you a chance. It’s common sense really. If I work hard consequentially my optimism has a chance, the chance to be what I want it to be. Anyway, life experiences have taught me being a pessimist doesn’t really work. In my experience, a good tinge of optimism with a dose of realism is the way to go.

Here’s the thing, a bit of advice….don’t let negativity get to you! There is absolutely no point in wasting your energy in that capacity. Move on and move on from moving on too (if that makes sense). Always look to the next thing. If your plans went south and you were heading west, don’t panic, reorganize and regroup to start again. Patience is the key.

I recently wrote an article for Modern Cultural Reject, which you can find here and it’s about the struggle of being a writer in 2017. Check it out to see how I managed to make an analogy about boy-bands in the 90’s and operating as a writer in today’s world. That’s a little unapologetic self promotion but If I am honest…I’m all for a little self promotion. If I don’t promote myself the question is who will? I don’t have an advertising campaign running around singing about how awesome I am ( nor should I and I would actually hate it) however, everything that can be in my control is in my control. Having that control is really important to me because it gives me a sense of security in an otherwise insecure world I find myself in. Rejections and slamming doors are lessons you learn of character building, mental preparation for disappointments and real life occurrences. It’s not all doom and gloom though because when you do get the acceptance you are longing for, the euphoria is exactly that, euphoric. The buzz is so much more thrilling. In fact as I write (edit) this blog post I just received some good news about my working situation. Here I am talking about being troubled by the difficulties and the euphoria of a little spoon of success, then I get a little surprise and I’m so grateful I’ll happily take that spoon! At some point that spoon will become a ladle. My next short-term goal is the ladle. The long term goal is the whole damn kitchen set! Moving on….. Hard lessons make your journey to success a less self-conscious one. For me I personally cannot justify spending even two cents of my time worrying about what people thought of me when they slammed those doors in my face. I’m going to go open some new and more opportunistic doors. You should too. We all should.

The best thing you can do after your latest disappointment is move on. I can’t reiterate it enough. The fact is disappointments and difficulties happen. Even the richest man on earth will have his difficulties. You can argue about how each situation is different and how your circumstances make THAT problem worse for you but where do even the most reasonable excuses get you?! I know the world can be a bitter and twisted place. You only need to turn the news on for that. When there’s negativity surrounding you kind of like how a force-field wraps itself around a planet, the best thing you can do is be kind to yourself. You may be able to change some peoples’ opinions but everybody is a big haul to take on. The most sensible, intelligent and fool-proof action to take is to take care of your own mindset. If you do that…. YOU WILL BE FINE.  The best advice I was given was to ‘Take a moment, take a breath and move the hell on! It will help you and those around you.’ The most honest and brutal advice I was ever given. I know it doesn’t sound that bad but for me it hit my head, heart and honesty slap bang in the middle. Think about those moments when you are in a dejected, despairing and self-pitying state and how you would feel if someone somewhat lovingly (but simultaneously in bemusement) throws that anger at you! I took it to heart initially and then I took it on board. The latter is what saved me.  If there are people in your circle who only want to drown your positive energy out, don’t even engage in the conversation. The focus you set yourself is your best chance to success and getting over whatever the last disappointment was. I know people who don’t understand my vision. I know that at the end of the day I am trying to make a positive contribution with my time on earth so I’m not going to be bothered about what they do or don’t say.

I used to hate compliments or kind words. I found myself rejecting the words but that was because I didn’t value myself. I still struggle sometimes but I am older, perhaps wiser and I choose to move on with a kindness, perspective and honesty. I used to let every single setback set me back time and time again. There was no point to it. I say it again…Moving on is the best thing you can do. As I was editing this post, I was moving on from a recent rejection in my working life and I held patient. Low and behold, I’m given that spoon I refer to earlier, a new opportunity. Now I’ve got that opportunity I have to take care of it but move on from that too onto bigger and better things. Always striving. Always believing. Always dreaming.


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