I feel like I’m competing with myself. I’m in competition with the version of myself that keeps asking questions. What are you doing? Why don’t you try this? What happened to that last idea? Where do you want to be in a years time? Who is your competition? Are you winning? When will you be who you want to be? Is this the right path to your success?
It’s a lot of questions and many of them have different answers at different times. The consistency is however, the fact that I keep asking the questions so it must mean I want change. Something within me craves change. Not all changes that one craves are good for them but I feel confident in thinking the changes I wish to make are for the better. The problem is I have to take myself on to make these changes. It’s sensibility vs ambition. It’a tried and tested vs creativity. It’s knowing va guessing. It’s realism vs optimism. It’s me vs me!
Like I have said in previous posts or with conversations with other people, I am content, but it does not mean that I can’t strive to be better. When I struggle to make changes it’s usually because I am worried of the risk that I would be taking. Sometimes finances or responsibilities mean that taking the reliable option with a highest chance of a solid result is the easiest option. Taking the riskier option may come with the opportunity of higher rewards but also the possible forfeit of what the reliable option would have given you.
I am feeling like I have to focus on the things that I can focus on. I’m not letting my fatigue cloud my judgement. Fatigue can be solved with rest. My judgement can be cleared when I’ve had that test and time to think. In the meantime I can eat well, keep active and rest properly so thatI can focus on my writing and get my creative circle back in motion. I’ve spun off of it and I want to be right back in it. It’s my ‘happy place’
I want to be happy and some habits prevent my contentment enhancing to happiness therefore I must make changes. So I shall. Today I started with my breakfast. I had a healthy breakfast. It was just a boiled egg with some buttered toast. It was nothing fancy but it was fuel. Also I’m keeping hydrated as I have my water bottle handy at all times. I went and played some basketball today. I ran around missing shots more than making them but I kept going even though I was getting so frustrated with my hooping. The ball would literally bounce off the inside rim and back out. However, I got a workout in and my nutrition has started off on a good note today. Now I just want to power on and hit the heights that the creative, ambitious, optimistic and striving version of me yearns for.
If I can keep focus and keep my motivation then this will be an easy run. We all know that there will be knocks so the point is to get back up every time. Got to keep my eyes on the prize.